wide awake and smiling

I used to have a blog back in the day, but i forgot my password and never got back into it. So i think i shall ;)

So far, this summer has been rad. Started with Germany:

My mom and i went on a missions trip with Coastline Bible Church to Kandern, Germany to help at the Greater European Mission's headquarters. It was mainly a labor trip, with much time spent digging trenches, mortaring, kauking, tile laying, and construction. I am so glad i had the opportunity to go and help encourage the missionaries at the base, and also to reach out to surrounding neighbors in Kandern.

It was also a huge plus that i brought my Nikon D80, Nikon F100, and fish eye because i got to take some pictures. Bob, the main leader at the base, gave me a Pentax film camera and lenses too!

After Germany, a group of us went up with the youth group to spend the week at Hume Lake.

I hadnt been too excited about the trip, but God definitely worked in me and changed my attitude.

One of the nights, after evening chapel, the speaker said that if anyone wanted to receive prayer or make a decision they should stay behind. The whole time during chapel I remember thinking that I didn't even feel like i should be in the Lord's house because I didn't deserve to and had not been in the right place with God to be in his temple. I found myself watching all of my friends file past me out of the church while i stayed. I had no idea why i was staying, but i couldn't bring myself to leave.

One of the leaders came up to me and we talked for a while, and she began to pray with me. Then my leader came back into the chapel and said she knew that she needed to be there. I just broke down and started crying. I have been struggling with some different issues and have been bitter, hard hearted, and unwilling to change. We talked through everything. I had been trying to handle everything on my own and had shoved aside all of the help she had been graciously giving me. I had stopped talking to God because i felt too corrupt to be involved in a relationship with him. I had treated everyone around me as if they were crap, and my vision of the world, people, and relationships had been distorted by my selfishness and the ways of this world. We prayed and I told God that I wanted to learn to accept his grace, even though I surely don't deserve it.

So now, I'm trying to get better, even if it means that everything will change. I'm having to push myself to follow through and change my distorted vision of myself and others. I'm trying to get into the Word on a daily basis and meditate on it to keep myself in check with what He wants me to be doing. Im also trying to focus on serving and encouraging others. Hopefully my new internship at Coastline will give me many new opportunities to stretch and grow.

I am so thankful for the amazing leaders God has placed in my life. I loveeeee them to death right now. Thank you all for not giving up on me and for being so encouraging and patient with me, even when i was harsh and bitter. Thank you for being here for me to cry on your shoulder. Thank you for changing your schedule around just to spend time with me. Thank you for always pointing me to God. I thank God for you every day.